Motorcycles, Marriage And A Word From God
Mark 10:1-12
Sermon
by King Duncan

Rev. Neil Parker of Burnaby, British Columbia says he insists on only two things when he performs a wedding: He must meet with the bride and groom before the ceremony, and he doesn't do weddings in unusual places, like parachuting or underwater, for example. But he broke both rules once.

He'd agreed to do this wedding on two days' notice when the minister who was to officiate was unavailable due to a family emergency. He had the details of the location (well out of town, on a farm); he knew the names of the bride and groom; and he knew that they'd done pre-marital sessions with the other minister. He also knew that the congregation would consist of one hundred and forty bikers who had come up for the weekend. And the wedding was to be a surprise to all but a handful of the guests.

Rev. Parker had considerable misgivings as he turned off the highway and caught his first glimpse of the site. Motorcycles filled the parking lot. Most were Harley-Davidsons, the choice of serious bikers. Very loud music filled the air from a tent and refreshment area. It looked, he said, like a heavy-metal Woodstock.

The pastor parked his Jetta and headed up to the house. To his relief, things seemed to be in order there. He was introduced to the bride's parents and the groom's parents while the bride was getting dressed. It didn't take long; she wore jeans and a black T-shirt and a few flowers in her hair. The groom was introduced to him as "Bear." He outweighed the pastor at least two-to-one. Bear's beard was thick and bushy, and his arms were heavily tattooed. Bear didn't say much.

Once Rev. Parker checked to see that the licence was in order, and everything was ready, he headed down to the big tent. Struggling through the crowd of bikers he asked for a microphone, waited for the music to go silent, introduced himself, and announced that he was here for a wedding. He wasn't quite sure what reaction he was going to get.

Several of the bikers immediately headed to the parking lot. The air was filled with the throb of powerful engines. Then, with almost military precision, the bikes streamed out of the parking lot and straight toward the pastor. Only a few feet from him, they turned off to form a double row facing each other an honor guard to create an aisle for the bride. With engines at full throttle, their roar echoed across the valley.

As the bride walked slowly and gracefully down this aisle, each bike she passed switched off its engine. As she passed the last pair, and all the engines were stilled, you could hear a pin drop, Parker reports. The bride walked shyly up to Bear. His eyes were overflowing with tears. Then the birds started to sing. All around the host couple were the congregation of their friends, members and families of the Sober Riders, each one a recovering alcoholic, each one a biker. Each was bowed in prayer in this holy moment.

The bride had given Rev. Parker only one instruction for the service, "Make sure you have a sermon," she said. "These people want to hear a word from God." Parker stood in the middle of the field, in a congregation of T-shirts, jeans and tattoos, in front of a groom and bride who knew exactly what they were doing and why, in a cathedral of fencepost and Harleys, and they gave thanks to God together. (1)

Let's imagine for a few moments that you and I are standing in that meadow circled by motorcycles with Bear and his bride. And imagine that I am the pastor performing the ceremony. That may not seem too difficult, but to tell you the truth, I have a difficult time imagining some of you with tatoos, riding on Harley-Davidsons. But let's suspend our critical faculties for a few minutes and imagine that we are there. The birds are singing. The bride is radiant. Bear has tears running down his face and all these bikers are waiting expectantly for a word from God. What could I say about marriage in that auspicious setting and be faithful to the biblical text? What would you say?

I THINK, FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD SAY THAT MARRIAGE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS TO GOD. The Pharisees were testing Jesus. "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" they asked. And they reminded Jesus that Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce. Jesus answered them by going back to the Genesis account of the first marriage. "Have you not read," he said, "that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female and said, ˜For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one?' So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:4-6)." This answer surely shocked the Pharisees. In Jesus' time no one questioned the legitimacy of divorce. The only question was what constituted adequate grounds; and Jesus said there were no grounds. "What God had joined together . . ."

God takes marriage seriously. We need to see that. That's why "Thou shall not commit adultery . . ." is included right along with "Thou shalt not kill . . ." and Thou shalt not steal . . ." in the Ten Commandments. God takes marriage seriously. And Jesus took marriage seriously. There were many things that Jesus was quite liberal on for the day in which he lived. There were others about which he was quite conservative. Here is he downright reactionary. "What . . . God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:4-6)." Does that mean that Jesus would have nothing to do with divorced persons? Not in the least. Read about his encounter with the woman at the well who had lived with several men, or the woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. No one was more compassionate than Jesus. Jesus knew about human weakness and frailty. Jesus met no one he could not forgive and have communion with. Still, he took marriage seriously and so should we. No relationship strikes more at the center of what it means to be human than does marriage. The end of a marriage can be devastating even more devastating than death. And the effects on children are well known and well documented.

Those are the facts. Of course, each situation is different and we respect that. Still, the breakup of a family is serious business, because God takes marriage seriously. I believe that is the first thing I would say to Bear, his bride and their assorted guests.

THE SECOND THING I MIGHT SAY IS THAT THERE ARE NO PERFECT MARRIAGES. In spite of what you might have heard, no marriage is truly made in heaven. Good marriages are made through a lot of give-and-take here on earth.

It's like one woman who accompanied her husband to the doctor for his physical. The doctor asked her for a private conversation before they left the office.

"Your husband," the doctor said, "is under great stress and you must devote your life to sheltering him. Don't argue or disagree with him. Get up early each morning and fix his favorite breakfast. Spend the morning cleaning the house, but have a nice lunch ready at noon if he happens to come home. The afternoon you can spend on outside work, but make sure there's a special dinner waiting for him when he returns. The evening hours may be spent watching a game with him on TV, followed by romance should he be interested. This must be your schedule to help him through this." The wife left the office, picked up her husband, and drove him home. "Well." asked the husband, "what did the doctor say?" "He said," replied the wife, "that you're going to die." (2)

I don't want to burst anyone's bubble, but ideal marriages are very difficult to find. I didn't say that there are not happy marriages. Nor did I say that marriage cannot be very fulfilling. Most people obviously prefer marriage to the single life. All I am saying is that there are no perfect marriages.

Want evidence? Show me a perfect marriage in the Bible. Adam and Eve? One of their boys murdered the other. I doubt they had the perfect home. Abraham and Sarah? Abraham tried to pass her off as his sister. She could have ended up in Pharoah's harem if the Pharoah had not been compassionate. Isaac and Rebekah? Are you kidding me deceit, treachery, envy became a way of life in their household as each tried to advance the fortune of his or her favorite son. Where is the perfect marriage?

"But surely, pastor," you say, "Mary and Joseph had the perfect marriage." I have no doubt that Mary and Joseph were a terrific example of marital bliss. But would you classify a marriage as perfect when even before the wedding ceremony the husband plans to quietly divorce his new bride as soon as they are married because he thinks she is carrying another man's child? There are family secrets throughout the Sacred Word.

In fact, when we have a wedding ceremony and we search for the perfect words to describe the commitment we expect from bride and groom we have to turn to the words of Ruth, "Where you go, I will go . . . your people will be my people and your God my God . . ." And they are a promise Ruth made not to her husband but to her mother-in-law.

Is it important to say to Bear and his bride that there are no perfect marriages? Maybe so. Half of new marriages today do not last. Why is that? Maybe we haven't helped our young people understand that marriage takes work. It is not an easy task for two independent, strong-minded persons to become one flesh. Here are two people from differing home environments, differing expectations from life, differing dreams for the future . . . and to make matters worse, one is male and one is female!

It is no accident that one of the best-selling books of our lifetime is titled MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. Men and women are different in wonderful ways! They are different physically, of course, but they are also different mentally and emotionally. For instance, studies show that boy babies sleep less and are more active than girl babies. Women, overall, have a better memory for names and faces than men. Women are faster and more accurate in tasks requiring manual dexterity. If a woman is stuck behind an unmoving car she is less likely to blow her horn than a man is. And surprise, surprise she's more likely to ask for directions when driving. And women smile more than men. The point is that men and women are different. And naturally this causes tension. Sometimes it causes pain. Sometimes anger.

You are probably familiar with the dumb blonde jokes that were popular a few years back. Did you know that there was a DUMB MAN'S JOKE BOOK published not long after? For example, what's the difference between a man and a cat? One is a finicky eater who couldn't care less if you lived or died; the other is a house pet. Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house. (3) Men and women are different. Family backgrounds are different. Different people have different pictures in their minds of what an ideal marriage should be. Even more important, we are all sinners. We all have flaws that need to be forgiven from time to time.

And that brings me to the last thing I would say to Bear and his bride. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, GREAT MARRIAGES ARE POSSIBLE. God's plan is beautiful and most fulfilling. No one will ever improve on it. One man and one woman becoming one flesh until death do they part. That is the plan. Not everyone will realize that kind of ideal arrangement in his or her life, but still it remains for most people the ideal.

Perhaps you saw the original "Rocky" film before Sylvester Stallone. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in "Rocky?" She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark. Pauly couldn't understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. "I don't see it," he said. "What's the attraction?" Do you remember Rocky's answer? Rocky said, "I don't know, fills gaps I guess." "What's gaps?" asks Pauly. "She's got gaps," says Rocky, "I got gaps. Together we fill gaps." In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. (4)

And that is exactly what God intended. God takes marriage seriously. There are no perfect marriages but there can be great marriages. Those great marriages occur when two people commit themselves to God and to one another . . . to become one flesh until death do they part. It is not an easy task, but with God's help it can be done.

[This is the day churches all over the world celebrate Worldwide Communion Sunday. We recall how often Jesus compared the kingdom to a wedding feast. The church he called his bride. The bread and the cup are themselves instruments of God's grace. As we take the blessed sacrament, we confess again our need for God's help, not only in our marriages and in our families, but in every aspect of our lives.]


1. "It happened at the altar," by Donna Sinclair, THE UNITED CHURCH OBSERVER, June 1996, pp. 30-34.

2. THE JOKESMITH.

3. Nan Tucket, THE DUMB MEN JOKE BOOK (New York: A Time Warner Company, 1992).

4. Dennis and Barbara Rainey, MOMENTS TOGETHER FOR COUPLES (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1995).

Dynamic Preaching, Collected Sermons, by King Duncan